Gun Barrel Baptismal

I blame having a loaded AK47 shoved against my back on the failure of Christian charity (and me going places I perhaps should not go).

          At the beginning of this month I was standing on the border of Israel and Jordan in a landfill across from the city of Jericho, just north of the site where John the Baptist supposedly baptized Jesus snapping photos. I was in Jordan for a nearly 24 hour layover so I rented a car to drive around. I wanted to the see the river so I had driven up a road that had some goat farms. It ended in a big pile of trash and a field that seemed to be a thin layer of dirt covering the burnt remnants of a billion plastic bags. This is the holy land.

          I had walked into the field and tried to avoid the packs of dogs. I would have rather paid to go into the Baptism site but it opens late in the morning and I had to get back to the airport. I had asked the guy who works at the place if I could go in early if I didn't drive but he stood by his barking dogs and said "No. Open at 9." If it opened at eight, I could have made it but nine was too late to make the plane.

          I wanted a picture of Jordan the river for my very Christian mother. Really, I wanted to just put my feet in it for a moment. As I stood taking a panorama picture of the mountains and the river and the dogs, I heard a Jordanian soldier whistle and wave. I stopped moving forward noticed all the military towers every few hundred meters. I realized that this place was more intense than a trash heap behind a goat farm and I started to walk back to my rental car.

          I didn't see the soldier running toward me at first, due to the high garbage filled hills, but when I noticed him I began moving in his direction. I was a little scared but I figured ignoring him would only make matter worse.
          When I got near the soldier, who looked like Brad Garrett (the brother from Everybody Loves Raymond), I said "Hello." The solider pointed his AK47 at me and said, "Go." I thought I was going so I started to turn back to go to my car. But he pivoted around and got in my way, then motioned with his gun to go toward the military tower.

          I began to walk. Then he quickly stopped me and took everything out my pockets -- my camera, my wallet with $1000 in cash in various currencies, and my passport -- and put them into his pockets then he took my backpack.

          I was saying, "Picture. River. American. Tourist. Picture. Camera. Will delete. Will delete." I didn't have time to think about how I'd lived in Arabia for nearly six months and shamefully barely speak a word of Arabic. I listened to the solider mumble something in the local tongue into his shoulder-radio and realized that the only English word he knew was "Go" because he repeated it while shoving the end of the gun into my kidney. I put my hands up and went.

          In addition to having a loaded gun pressed into my back by an angry and unpredictable soldier that I couldn't communicate with, I was worried because it was 7:45 in the morning, my flight was at 11 and it was more than an hour from the airport. I didn't know how long this take. No one knew where I was. I began to think about the American tourists who were stuck in an Iranian prison for years. I was supposed to meet my lady for a week vacation in Istanbul. I thought about her waiting for me, ruined in Turkey for a week while I sat in a Jordanian jail unable to communicate with her. Vanished. At least the Malaysian airplane that disappeared... the loved ones know a little of the story.

          A military truck approached the soldier and I. The soldiers got out. One of them started speaking English to me, asking me where I am from. They went through my belongings. They were very curious about the headlamp flashlight I had in my bag. Perhaps they thought it was a terrorist instrument or an Israeli Mossad communication device. I put it on my head and they "ahhhhed." This bunch of guys from the truck were less intense then the Brad Garrett doppelgänger.

          One said, "Get in. We go." I climbed in and sat for a minute or two then asked where we where going. He said, "Military place."

          When we arrived at the base I was given to the higher guy in command. He was a young sergeant with a big baby cheeks, and acne scars, who looked younger than my age of 33. He was comfortable: half in uniform, only wearing a white under shirt. I hoped his English was better than the other guys. He motioned for me to have a seat. Other soldiers came out to gather on this porch. They made a gofer, who was not wearing a uniform, come out and asked me if I wasted tea or coffee. I said tea. Then he went to make some.

          The sergeant made a phone call then sat down next to me. He asked where I was from and I said America. The soldiers all talked to each other in Arabic for a few minutes. They asked if my car was locked. I said yes and then the men talked for a few minutes. The the sergeant asked what I was doing in Jordan. I gestured through a story in simple English: "I live in UAE. I am on vacation. I am on a Royal Jordanian flight. Long layover. I have to be at the airport soon. Flight at 11. Going to Istanbul to see my wife. I rented car. Swam in the Dead Sea yesterday. Hiked in beautiful mountains. Today, I tried to go to Baptism site but it was not open. I want to see river. I saw no signs saying 'military: keep out!' so I tried to walk to river. Just take pictures of river. Show my mother. She loves Jesus."

          The gofer handed chai tea to the soldiers and, as I held mine in my hand, he ran to get a plastic table so that i could sit it down. The sergeant nodded along the story. When I finished he talked in Arabic with the other soldiers. He made another phone call. It seemed like we were waiting for a higher ranking person to show up. It also seemed like the guys were bored and wanted something to do. I was their thing to do.

          The sergeant thumbed through my passport. Perhaps making sure that there was no Israel stamp in it. I bought an additional 48 pages to go into my passport (since it costs the same as 24 additional pages). I regretted it as it added to the suspense as well as taunts me to get the pages filled. He looked at each page and each of the 60 plus stamps or visas in it.

          There was a nervous silence. I asked what everyone's name was. They went around in a circle. There was a Mohammed, a Hamad, an Ahmed and an Ali. All names shared with my students in the UAE. The sergeant's name was an unfamiliar Tamra. I mumbled, "Tamra, nice to meet you." I pointed to my passport, "I'm Robert."

          Tamra got up and made a phone call. I sat there drinking my bitter chai tea. My girlfriend, who I referred to as my wife to the soldiers, was likely running through the Frankfurt airport to make her transferring flight. I didn't know yet if I would meet her or if I would miss it. Would the captain ever arrive? Would I be held captive?

          Tamra disappeared into a room for a moment. He came out with his military shirt in his hands. He sat down and started putting it on. Perhaps the captain was on his way. He looked at me and said, "Military place... No pictures. Delete."

          I said "Ok." My bag was sitting on the floor. They'd stuffed my wallet, camera, and the rest of pocket stuff I had into it. I reach down and got my camera. I deleted the photos of the river and the panoramas I took. I asked him if it was okay if I keep a photo of the dogs. He smiled and nodded. I handed him the camera to check. He held my camera and I thought about the video I took with my iPad. He hadn't asked to see it but I didn't want to say the pictures were deleted and then have me caught with the lie. I reached into my bag and deleted the video as well.

          We sat there and finished our tea. Then Tamra stood up and pointed at the truck. We got in and I was driven back to my car. When we got there he said, "Sorry. This is my job." He said it in such a neutral tone that for a brief moment I still worried that they would have me open the car and then they'd confiscate it and take it away and I would stay. I told him. "It is okay. I understand. Soldier see me. Who am I? It is okay to ask. I am sorry but.... make sign that signs Military place. Stay away."

          Tamra smiled and shook my hand. I followed the military truck down the potholed road. As I did, I reached for my iPad and got my one photo of the incident. A crooked photo of a truck that watches over a border but the border itself must only remain in my memories. Perhaps I'll visit Jericho one day and see it from the other side. We'll see if the Israelis check my passport for a Jordan stamp.

          I made it to the airport on time, got to Istanbul, and told my girlfriend the story. She said she knew something crazy would happen to me in Jordan. I'm always getting into trouble. Going places I probably shouldn't go.

A brief history of Chumbawamba

So this has nothing to do with what I intended this blog to be about, (and I know I've neglected this blog for a long time) but, nevertheless, I wrote a brief history of Chumbawamba. One of my favorite bands...

I first heard about Chumbawamba while watching the Rosie O'Donnell show in summer of 1997 when Chumba were promoting their biggest hit "Tubthumping." She introduced the band as anarchists and said "I don't even know what that means."

I knew about anarchy from the circled "A" I had seen on so much punkrock clothing. When I first saw Chumbawamba on TV my favorite bands were Depeche Mode and Slayer so clearly I was being pulled in multiple directions.

I didn't really look into the band until years later but Chumbawamba has also been pulled in all sorts of directions. They do whatever they damn well please. Whether it is making obscure punk, choral, world, or pop music - Chumba can do it. Rosie was right. They are anarchists.

The following is a brief write up about each of their albums with a link to a song on youtube. I embedded a few on my favorite songs to take away your excuse for not listening.



0.5) Chumbawamba started out in the DIY anarchist punkrock scene along with the legendary Crass (who much like Black Flag and the Dead Kennedys, are perhaps more well known by the pop-punk masses today for their logo than anything else). The band started in 1982 and put out their first EP in 1985 and called it Revolution. The EP featured songs like "Stagnation" and "Liberation."

1) Although they had been a band for over three years their first album, Pictures of Starving Children Sell Records came out in 1986. It was a response to artists cashing in other people's misery and using it as a publicity stunt (such as the Live-Aid concert of 86). The album runs continuously as if it is just two tracks (one for both sides of the vinyl). The song "Unilever" appears on the album. Criticizing the food and soap conglomerate for exploitative behavior.

2) Chumbawamba's next album was recorded very quickly. When the English Parliament called for an election in 1987 Chumbawamba had six weeks to write, record, and distribute an album to influence the vote with their album Never Mind the Ballots... Here's The Rest of Your Life. Just like their first album it was imprinted with continuous sound with no breaks between tracks. This album had even more melodic punkrock sound similar to the Clash. It is my favorite Chumbawamba album. The first three tracks of "Nevermind the Ballots" can be heard here. The rest of the album can be heard by following the youtube links.



3) Proving they are really anarchists who do whatever they please musically, Chumbawamba went from recording a chaotic punkrock record with all the rock and roll instruments to recording an album of traditional a cappella music entitled English Rebel Songs 1381–1984 (released in 1988). My favorite song on the album is the WW1 era traditional "Hanging On the Old Barbed Wire."



4) Their next album, released in 1990, was Slap! -- which went in more dancey jazz direction. Not my favorite Chumbawamba album but it is perhaps their most lyrically optimistic album. The song "Cartrouble" celebrates the life of Zora Neale Hurston, author of Their Eyes Were Watching God.

5) In 1992 Chumbawamba released the album Shhh and it was full of samples and synths but still had a punkrock edge. "Snip Snip Snip" is another example of a Chumbawamba song that must be impossible to recreate live.

6) Chumbawamba embraced the 'Anarchy' label in 1994 and released an album entitled just that: Anarchy. It was even more full of synths than the predecessor and sounds like it could be a Erasure album at times. The album's cover featured a close-up of a baby's head coming out of a vagina. The best song on the album is the anthemic "Homophobia."



7) 1995's Swingin' With Raymond is really two albums in one because the first half of the mellow is soft gentle folk songs and the second half of the album are hard rocking angry songs. The first song on the album is the soft and tender"This Girl" and the last song on the album is the raucous " Ugh! Your Ugly Houses."

8) After living at borderline poverty level for most of their careers the band decided to both experiment with pop music and attempt to release an album that would make them financially stable and able to live a little more comfortable and do as they please artistically. Just like Rage Against the Machine, Bruce Springsteen, or the Clash, it would also allow them to reach a wider audience with their message. They signed to a major label in 1997 and out came Tubthumper. The biggest hit on the album is actually an anthem for the working class who keep getting fucked over by 'the man' every day and drink it off in the night to keep sane. The band broke some TV rules and went off script when they performed "Tubthumping" on Letterman that year. They even attacked attacked the Deputy Prime Minister of Britain, pouring a jug of water on him during a TV performance on the BBC.

8.5) At the height of their fame from their hit album Chumba contributed "Top of the World (Olé, Olé, Olé)" as England's soccer anthem for the 1998 World Cup.



And this is essentially the peak of Chumbawamba's fame. It took about 15 years to rise up from squatting in rundown flats as anarchist punkrockers while their sound developed. Then, nearly overnight their fan-base expanded beyond even what they could control. Perhaps they intended to have a more manageable level of fame because in the nearly 15 years since the peak of Chumba's fame they have continued to modify their sound...



9) Since they had their money from the success of their previous album the band tried to distance themselves from their record label and in the year 2000 released WYSIWYG (What You See is What You Get). The album had 23 tracks and, since this was a CD now, it ran with continuously uninterrupted audio like their first two albums. The only radio single from the was the rather musically adventurous and catchy "She's Got All the Friends That Money Can Buy."



10) Chumbawamba started MUTT, their own record label, in 2002 with their album Readymades which features a lot of samples and trip-hop electronic beats but also folk influence. The song "Salt Fare, North Sea" is an electronic yet ethereal incorporation of an originally a cappella choral song.

10.5) Film Director Alex Cox, of Repo Man and Sid and Nancy fame, asked Chumbawamba to score the music to his film, Revenger's Tragedy (an adaptation of a 17th century Jacobean ear play). Chumba, in turn, adapted a song from their previous album and included "Don't Try This At Home" on the soundtrack.

11) In 2004 the band went in a world music direction and released Un. Not only are the highly political lyrics included in the album (as is always the case for the band's album sleeve) but each song includes an explanation. The song "On eBay" details how Iraqi historical items were being plundered and sold on eBay during the American occupation.



12) Released on the 'No Masters' folk label, A Singsong and a Scrap is mostly a highly political yet mellow folk album but my favorite song on the album is Chumbawamba's rendition of "Bella Ciao."

13) Continuing in their folk vein the band released The Boy Bands Have Won in 2008. The actual title is much longer (as in the Guinness Book of World Records longest album title ever). The album has several a cappella songs and soft tender songs. "Compliments of Your Waitress" is about people unnecessarily being mean to restaurant servers.

14) Chumbawamba's most recent album, ABCDEFG was released in 2010 and it is lyrically about music. On the song "Torturing James Hetfield" they actually very cutely make fun of their own place in music history.



**********

So after over 28 years in the music business and the band is still highly unpredictable. They do as they damn well please. People may make fun of them as one hit wonders but that is one more hit than 99.9% of other bands have.

one day soon I'll be a multi-millwonaire

My computer broke last Monday. Over the years for the most part I’ve noticed computers tend to show some sort of symptom before they broke but my computer screen went black quick as an aneurysm. It still turns on and I can hear Skype try to sign on so I know it still works – except that I cannot see anything. Computers aren’t Helen Keller. If you can’t see what is going on that pretty much renders them useless. I get paid next Friday so once I am a multi-millwonaire I will take my iMac into the shop and hopefully I can get it repaired for jut a few hundred thousand won.

This week without a computer at home has been nice. I am thankful that I brought books to read. It has increased my activity on that level. Of course since my only access to the internet is at work (in fact I found the office doors to be open today so I am at the office right now typing this) I tend to catch up on my networking while I should be writing lesson plans. I did make a great PowerPoint on my iMac about the beginning middle and end of a story using “The Gingerbread Man.” But I neglected to save it on the internet so it is stuck in my little blind box of information.

For those that are curious about the teaching aspect of my overseas adventure. I have yet to begin to teach. The center that I work for will open in early May, we will have a test run starting in a week and this upcoming week is a rehearsal. The center will host week long programs for sixth graders. The students will stay overnight Monday-Thursday. They arrive in late morning on Monday and leave in early afternoon on Friday. According to schedule I’ve seen I’ll be working for overtime pay three nights a week. Monday night I’ll have to be there until 9pm because we have our Welcome party. Tuesday night I host movie night until 9pm and Thursday night is course review. My days start at 9am so that means I’ll be working a lot as soon as this thing gets going. I am not exactly sure how the pay structure will work. I get an additional 100 thousand won a month because I am in the country. But in fact I am less than 15 minutes away from a city of 1.5 million so I do not feel too secluded. It is almost like I am in the suburbs. In the contract it says that I am supposed to teach kids 22 hours a week and for every hour more than that I get 20 thousand more won. In my schedule it looks like I’ll be with the kids 30+ hours a week so I may be getting several hundred thousand more won a month than I initially thought. Also, I can’t really complain about working until 9pm because there is not much to do in the little city of Okcheon (besides going home and reading a novel or going to the park around the corner to practice the accordion out of the earshot of my neighbors) so I might as well be getting paid. Sorry to talk so much about money but my main objective is to pay off my students loans. If I paid off $1100 a month I could do it all in a year. I doubt that is going to happen, unless I get all the extra pay I just alluded to…

So as far as adventures recently: I was hit by a car the other day while I was going on my morning run. The drivers in Korea rarely stop because there are no stop signs. Unless there is a stop light, and in Okcheon red lights are rare things, drivers are supposed to yield. But what that really means is that they coast and never stop. I’m somewhat worried about this mixture of Buddhism and Christianity they have in Korea. I think it affects their driving. They seem to not fear death but they also seem to expect forgiveness if they kill anyone through vehicular manslaughter. It is the best of both worlds for them. But it is a certain torment for pedestrians. Anyways, I was almost back home from my 45 minute run. It is approaching 8 in the morning and school children are going every direction on their way to school. From down a side street a white car starts to slow down as it approaches the main road. I assume the car sees me and the school kids that are nearby so I continue to run along aiming to go in front of the car. But the car does not stop. I cannot see the driver through the tinted windows but he or she hits me with the left headlight part of the car and then abruptly stops. While I run I hold my house keys in my hand and as my hands fell to the car’s hood and I stared through the glass with a ‘what-the-fuck’ look on my face, I think I mildly keys the car. The whole event lasted less than 10 seconds because I just kept on running ahead. The school kids were non-phased. Korean kids must have some quick reflexes to survive this traffic. Maybe all that video game hand eye coordination practice is a good thing.

Yesterday as I left the house I noticed that I missed a button on my jeans so I tried to nonchalantly button it up. After I did it I noticed there were two gentlemen in suits that looked to be in their fifties, approaching me from about 25 meters away. One guy shoved his entire hand into his pants and it looks like he was adjusting himself. I tried not to make look. It’s funny because I always try to make eye contact with passer-byers. It is my response to being stared at. It freaks some of them out as well because eye contact with strangers in this culture is somewhat of a faux pas. When he is done adjusting they guy looks at me and says a slurred “How are you” that sounds like ‘howeryew’. I didn’t know if he wanted to know how I am or how I was so I just said hello and nodded. His friend jabbed him in the side and probably said, “what are you doing” but for all I know he could have said, “way to freak out the foreigner.”

Motorcycle grandMas.

I live near the end of a dead street that feels more like an alleyway than a street. Just a hundred feet from my building is a busy intersection. As I walked toward the busy intersection a Korean woman with sharply painted lipstick who looked to be in her sixties excitedly said “Hello” I said hello back as I walked past her. She quickly responded with “Goodbye” and then an older man on a motorcycle rolled up out of nowhere. He looked at me and said with a big grin, “American Man!” The woman starts to mount his motorcycle and the man continues, “She….” And he pauses to find the words “…my wife.” And then he laughs and drives off. I guess some folks over here fear that the white man won’t be satisfied until he has every Asian woman – even the grandmothers.

From out of the mountains and into the shopping malls (First trip to Daejeon).

Korea is a place built for rovers. Beyond the rolling stone lifestyle one could have on the cheap public transportation system and big city 24 hour spas where you can sleep for 5 bucks a night, They expect you to get up and go at a moment's notice. I moved into my new apartment on Friday and I have no idea what my address is besides room 308. The apartment is obviously an efficiency studio but there is plenty of room for just me. The kitchen comes with a stove top, a rice cooker, am electric water heating pitcher for tea, a refrigerator, and a little microwave. It also comes with a dish rack that I had to put together IKEA style. It is too large for the counter space it is supposed to rest on some I took some of the plastic trays that it came with and sit the dish rack on the trays and some bricks behind it to balance the weight and give the contraption more of a ledge space to rest upon. This is just another symbol of adapting to Korea's adaptability.

Another with the quick move out of the hotel is that I have no internet. I am sitting on a food crate on a sidewalk around the corner stealing wifi from someone named Zio. Thank you Zio, wherever you may be in the little sector of the world we share.

On Saturday my posse and I went to Daejeon. It is a city of about 1.5 Million people and pretty much directly in the center of Seoul. Although it is not the Capital of Korea it is kind of like Sacramento in that it is in the middle of everything but often overshadowed by the larger cities of California. Daejeon is less than 15 minutes by train and it only costs 5,000 won round trip - which is less than 4 dollars.

I went with my fellow Americans Sam, Lopa, and Heidi. As we waited at the train station a beautiful woman in a pink coat came up to us and asked if we knew Chigan. This would have been awkward but in fact we all do know a Chigan from our time in Seoul. We had a quick video phone conversation with her. Chigan lives in Seoul but her grandmother lives in Okcheon apparently she had told the woman that there were some foreigners of interest to look out for in the city - especially a blond with a fedora. I guess I do stand out. My style has gotten some looks in this little city. My coworker Sam says that I dress like a 70's pimp. I really don't think so but a couple days ago we walking down the street a group of highschool boys shouted "Pimp" at us and no there appears to be an international consensus to Sam, that I dress like a pimp. I think my recent style is more of a James Bond meats Tyler Durden.

Anyways, in Daejeon the for of us just wondered around aimlessly. We had no specific plan for the day beyond enjoying the freedom of the weekend. The first thing I noticed when getting off the train was an enormous bright orange office building and I mean orange like a traffic cone. I can't say for certain if the Korean version Caltrans is housed there - but it should be. We actually walked the wrong direction from the train station and ended up heading for the suburbs. The suburbs are of course the opposite of American suburbs. In Korea the outskirts of town is more likely to have 15-20 story apartment buildings and Daejon had dozens upon dozens of them.

It was right after noon on a Saturday and the children, in all of their uniformed glory, had just been released form school to ransack the city's PC gaming cafes and shopping malls. The gawked at us silly Americans. I was the only blond for miles. (In Okcheon, it appears, I am the only blond in town.) We eventually veered back toward the busier section of the city. We found a booze shop with booze that was priced similar to the states. They love their booze in Korea. If only they loved beer as much as Whiskey because I can't get a single liquid hop in this entire nation. Sam buys some Jameson and Heidi is excited to find some Morgen David on the first day of Passover. She buys two bottles. Both of these purchases will be half consumed by the end of the night.

While we are wondering we see a place called "The Galleria" on the other side of the street. It is a huge multi story metal glimmering building. And "the Galleria" is in the Neiman Marcus font (I didn't notice that factoid - my fellow American Lopa did). The only way to cross the street at this intersection is to go down into the Subway. The intersection has absolutely no crosswalks. Its go down or go around.

We go down and find an enormous underground shopping center. It appears to go for miles to the right and to the left. Heidi needs to find a USB cable and Lopa needs some gloves so we start to window shop. The setup of the mall is interesting because there are hundreds of stores but maybe only four or five types of stores and many of them are grouped together. You can go past three shops that sell a lot of hats and socks followed by three that sell cell phones and then three waffle/smoothie shops. It is actually how all of Korea seems to set up its shopping. In Seoul there is an electronics area and a musical area. A city of over 10 million and they don't bother to spread it out.

As we are wondering the malls the legions of schoolgirls in uniform, spending their Saturday at the mall as they do everywhere in the world where their are schoolgirls and malls, are all making notice of the four westerners. I'm not really shopping for anything so I'm having fun and smiling at the girls that stare - which makes them squeal, giggle, and the whisper to each other. Many of them say hello and exercise what English skills they have, but most of them just stare. I kind of felt like a Jonas Brother or a Beatle. It was entertaining.

At one point a little girl walking with her parents bumped into me but she was so small that I did not even notice her but my fellow Americans told me later that she looked up at me with wide, shocked and curious eyes.

From the underground shopping me we went to wonder another street mall. McDonald's where there through a big party in another of their new Wrap. They are marketing it with exclamation points and hammer-strength-tests. Exclamation points were everywhere and the masses were excited to consume the corporate treats. We watched the hysteria briefly and then wondered along to where a group of school boys saw us and said "hello." To which we replied, "Hello, how are you?" And they said, "We are well." Then there was an awkward pause and from a distance of thirty feet they said, "You are so handsome." To which I replied, "No. You are so handsome." Then the kid that said it didn't know what to say but his friend must have told him to say thank you - which he did, and then we turned the corner off to wonder the big city.

We decided we should try to see a movie so we looked for a theatre. Lopa saw someone eating popcorn and asked her where the cinema was. She said it was by the train station on a back streets. We looked and looked. Heidi asked a old guy in front of a building if it was the theatre and he said yes. We went upstairs only to find a bunch of old people dancing to some bumping modern music. One of the oldmen had herpes all over his face. Maybe it was a nihilist club meeting.

I go back to the mainstreet to find our bearings right when the girls ask a dating couple if they know where the cinema is. They do know but they don't know how to give the directions so they start to guide the group but I am a block over so Sam, who is as loud, fast, and large as the Dallas airport, starts yelling my name but I don't here him. He whistles but I'm too busy looking back and forth on the main street until I turn around and see him cranking his arm like he's lassoing. So I head on back. Apparently the girls had gotten embarrassed by Sam's hootin' and hollering and started to go ahead without us. The local dating couple had given Sam curious looks because of the commotion. When I caught up the theatre was in sight and the couple had turned around and was heading my way. I said thank you in Korean even though I was just some random guy on the street. They seemed to understand what was going on.

After the movie my fellow Americans decided that we had wondered enough for the day and Lopa hadn't found gloves so we should catch the next train before her hands chipped off. We ended up drinking and playing "Never have I ever" (to which I lost every single round) back at the hotel. I guess even rovers get tired and need to spend a Saturday night resting in the little city that, no matter how awkward it feels, is now our home.

Okcheon, *&%$ I'm still in Okcheon.

In my short time in Korea I've changed my mind on my imperialist guilt trip. I've come at it from the wrong perspective. As an American it is hard to not imagine being the top dog but when it comes down to it that doesn't really matter so long as you are happy. Korea has proven to be adaptable. In fact one of the advertising slogans for Korea is "Dynamic Korea" because it is ever changing. It is a go with the flow culture. A region that has been divided and conquered several times over the last few thousand years - but has also done amazing things scientifically. A king commissioned linguist philosophers to create the Korean written language in a mathematical way that made phonetic sense. This of course led to metal letter printing generations before Gutenberg printed his Bible in Germany. Korea may not be the biggest dog at the table but they have always managed to get fed. And its the adaptability of Korea that invites all of us westerners here to teach them English. They want to be sure their kids can keep the Korea strong and that means thinking globally and it is what it is that English is the closest thing we have to the global language. I mean, at the very least, roman letters are necessary to go anywhere on the internet. And the ability to go places, whether it is a website, New York City, or simply into the future that leans me to where I am, as well as where Korea is, today.

I am in Okcheon. For all my friends in Davis, CA, I will say that Okcheon is a lot like Woodland. Almost directly in the center of South Korea and surrounded by little mountains, it is a city of about 50,000 people. Its urban planning makes more sense than Woodland because it has a centrally located downtown that is easy to get to, with the only traffic problems being the couple creeks wind through town that make the street paths a little more interesting. I would compare the town to Davis because of its similar population but it lacks the University that serves as Davis' core - although on Sunday there is a great street faire. Okcheon's website is based off from a generic template that many towns in South Korea use. There is a short letter from a high up political office on the top center of the page. It thanks the viewer for being interested in Okcheon and it says that Okcheon is a transportation hub. When I told my Korean worker Joey this he repeated "hub" as a question. I said, "yes. Hub." And he quickly responded in his soft honest voice, "That is a lie." The website has many links on it to other information on Okcheon but when you click on them the page simply refreshes.

The downtown is very colorful with all the signage of the shops being a rainbow of variety. There are scores of mom and pop shops. In a way I like that there is no superstore in town - but as someone totally lost on the language I must confess that the convenience of a Costco or something comparable in town would be a life saver - luckily for me there is one on Daejeon - which is a less than 15 minute train ride away (serving as the Sacramento to my hometown analogy).

I was put up in a hotel for my first four and half days here. The hotel room was very spacious but after the whole experience is done with I would give the hotel a C minus. The hotel's cleaning lady takes the cleaning aspect various seriously. The first time she came to the room I had the afternoon off so she rings the bell and I try to gesture that I am OK and she can pass by my room but she still comes in and investigates my trashcan and flushes my toilet and changes my towel. She did stop short of making the bed. The next day I come in and all my clothes are folded and rearranged and everything i had on the desk has been moved around and "organized" as well. This happened to my fellow expats in the hotel as well. We all agreed that we felt it invasive.

I also messed up something as well. There is a slot in the hotel room, by the door, that you are supposed to put your key into after entering the room. The lights turn on (and I guess it activities some of the electric outlets as well). I didn't realize the outlets part so when my key wasn't in the door I tried to plug in my computer and it wasn't charging so in the morning when Joey was picking us to take us to the office I had him tell the desk clerk that I think something is wrong. When the managers (a married couple) come in, eight hours later, I had already figured out the problem but couldn't really tell him. The desk was told there could have been a refrigerator out and it took them that long to check on it. When the managers came in the room I had just set up my iChat camera and I was checking the preferences so a video of the room was on my laptop's screen. When the manager saw herself on my computer she got freaked out and tried to stay off camera the rest of the time she was in the room. her husband however, is not camera shy because there are glossy professional pictures all throughout the hotel of him playing the saxophone. This would have been of no consequence if it wasn't for our attempt to eat at the hotel on Thursday night.

One of my expat friends works with a guy named Tim that has spent half his life in the states and the other half in Korea. He is here as part of a program for college kids to immerse in Korea culture while they also teach. Tim really wanted take out and when we went to the hotel he asked if there were any menus for local restaurant but the managers tried to convince us to eat at the restaurant on the sixth floor. Our first night in the hotel involved the manager trying to convince us to have a breakfast at the restaurant for 12,000 won (roughly 10 bucks). We declined and she dropped it to 10,000 won but all of us stood firm because, in all honesty, the manager lady gives off bad vibes.

We were in a hurry to eat because Friday morning we had to go to the hospital to be tested for TB, HIV, and drugs. We were told to start fasting at 9pm. We were up in the restaurant on Thursday night at 8pm. Thankfully we had Tim to tell them our orders in Korean. Two of us simply wanted tofu, rice, and vegetables which the manager seemed to understand when she took or order but when the food came over a half an hour later we had on our plates: eggs, SPAM, a leaf of lettuce, three french fries, and a tomato slice. Nothing that we had ordered. Then they bring out the rice so at least they got that right. But still, Tim starts arguing with the manager because of the royal fuckup. Tim even asks them if they speak Korean. Those of us that didn't get what we ordered just our Spam to Sam, a friendly Texan expat that is always hungry. The eggs tasted like they made them Monday night in hopes that we would actually come down for breakfast Tuesday morning. And we made due because of the deadline - even though they said they would bring out an order correction, which never happened. I paid 12,000 won for a meal that was pretty much to opposite of what I ordered.

But things really got weird while we were eating. Not only was the restaurant empty at the beginning and it was a David Lynch type scene with the manager, that looked like she was ten years past being attractive, and her husband the wannabee sax-god putting his priorities on reed instead of the plate. He started to play the sax while we ate and the room got filled up. Some drunken Koreans pointed at us and Tim wanted to get up and fight them but we calmed him down. The Saxophone player was playing over a karaoke mix but he was actually pretty good. The Sax is actually what calmed Tim down because he plays the Sax and defended the quality of the Co-managers playing ability. Now if only he would quit his day job.

At 9 o'clock it was just the Saxophone player on the mic but by the time we go to our rooms two floors down the karaoke started. The same drunks that were staring at us howled like hyenas while I tried to fall asleep. the karaoke went into the night like a branch dividian lullaby.

On friday afternoon at 3:50 Joey came into our office and said that we were supposed to move out of the hotel and in to our new apartments that day. We could leave at 4, walk to the hotel, and he would come pick us up at 5. So we had to move quick. And within a rush of a couple hours I had packed, moved, and semi-furnitured my new apartment. But if there is one thing I miss about the hotel it is the internet because I am currently sitting on the steps of the library around the corner stealing someone's wi-fi. But Korea is dynamic and I have to stay adaptable.

Seoul Searching

This is my second blog and I am already behind on the updates but I'm going to sum up my five days in Seoul:

The dormitories in Seoul were a reliving of college crammed into five days. You meet people with the desperation of soldiers about to go off to war. We'll be in the ESL trenches and we need weekend drinking partners. We are stranded on an island out here in South Korea. In fact I think of this peninsula as a series of Islands filled with stranded westerns using the cheap public transportation as a life boat.

The bootcamp consisted of lots of hour long workshops led by ESL teachers already out in the field. There was also quick survival Korean lessons - in which most of us learned nothing. And the took us to a Museum and some other historical places but I think the most important part of it all was the networking opportunities so we wouldn't be so lonely for the year we are here.

I met some interesting people at the ESL bootcamp. So many people had their own interesting stories about how they ended up in SOuth Korea. The general consensus is the need for money and the thirst for adventure. Many people have done interesting things in the past like running a restaurant, delivery sandwiches, or working at a group home. The nations represented were England, Ireland, Scotland, USA, South Africa, Australia, Jamaica, and New Zealand. Its interesting that England is that well represented, only two or three people, yet here we are all teaching English. The most prominent presence is the US and South Africa. In fact I partied one night in Itaewon - the American sector of Seoul - with six South Africans, and one Kiwi and it all felt quite natural. I took it as a compliment when they said I was not like the Americans they were used to. All of us citizens of the world loudly sang along to Bohemian Rhapsody in a bar full of Koreans. They forgave out obnoxiousness because the song is just so magical.

Then we hopped back on the subway and ended at this bar called "Bun Ker." We were walking down this street in Seoul, in the university district, that looked like a cross between Bourbon Street and Time Square when a few fashioned dressed Korea guys in the early twenties flagged us down and beckoned us down into the basement bar. Bun Ker was filled with locals and the DJ was spinning lots of American hip hop but also some great standards like Michael Jackson. The South Africans and I had a great time down there.

The bar is so great that everyone decided to return to the same bar the next day. Our last night in Seoul as a big group. Unlike the night before we went with over 40 people to this little bar. When we showed up there were only five locals. Over the night we drank all the beer they had. This was the end of ESL bootcamp before we all shipped off to the bumfuck-middle-of-nowheres where we would be stationed for a year.

Most of the westerners quickly start getting wasted by playing drinking games but I'm just sipping my beer and dancing. I've never really been a fan of drinking games - I like to drink at my own pace and I'm not a fan of getting wasted. If a booze, beer, or wine is worth drinking then it should be worth sipping.

Eventually the dance floor really gets going. I kind of move out of the mass because there is some unused space on the size and I think the bar is getting a little too crowed. There is a hip Korean guy that gives me a thumbs up. I think he likes my style 'cause I am i dressed up in my usual flashy thrift store suit style.

I take a break and lean against the wall and notice that this Korean girl is makes eyes at me and then she stands right by me and drops her phone. a couple of the pieces fall off it and I help pick it up. She says thank you and soon we start dancing together. She seems like a rather mild mannered girl but she is really getting into the music. She is wearing a sweatshirt over a button up shirt and a couple layers of tights. As we dancing she slides up the tights and then takes off the sweat shirt. She is really starting to get freaky with the bumping a grinding. getting down on her knees in front of me. Then she takes off the dress shirt and she is down to a tank top and really starts dancing close. She is with a few other girls. She says they are family. I assume cousin or sister. She asks my name and I ask hers (it is Do-Ya) and then she wonders what it is that I do. I tell her that I am a teacher and it makes her smile. I certainly prefer her charm to the girls that hang out in Itaewon dry humping the American GIs in the bar. I ask her a question that was more complicated than it should have been and she cleverly looks at me and says "I'm Korean." in a kind of "dumbass, lets keep the conversation simple" way.

It isn't until after she kisses me on the cheek that her cousin takes her into the bathroom. She isn't drunk at all, I just think the cousin is worried about such familiarity. When she comes back out her cousin has makes her put a couple layers back on but keeps dancing with me. A western guy comes over and dances near us like he is trying to get in the mix and she tries to get him to dance with her cousin but he drops the ball and misses the signs. Her cousin is just as cute as the girl dancing with me, maybe not as charming, but attractive nonetheless and the dude just doesn't go with the flow. This same guy tried to obnoxiously hit on some girls the night before, to no avail, but maybe the night before he was drinking Soju and tonight is a vodka night for him and that could make all the difference.

Quickly enough the music gets more and more to her liking and sure enough she is back down to the tanktop again. The rest of the crowd as started jam dancing in the circle. Everyone showing off one at a time but I'm off to the side dancing real close with Do- Ya. Then we hear some cheering and my kneejerk worry is that it is some machismo cheering for me but thankfully it is cheering for someone that has done a great move in the dance jam. In an instinctive desire for showmanship that I can certainly relate to Do-Ya wants to upstage whoever got cheered. She drags me into the center of the circle. and we start dancing hot and heavy. She gets down on her knees in front of me then gets up. i lift her up and she straddles my waist and then she takes her shirt off so she's only wearing a bra. We bump and grind like that few seconds and then she kisses my cheek. I put her down and we go back off to the corner to keep on dancing.

Her cousin informs her that they have to get going. She asks me for my telephone number. i don't have one yet so i had her right down her name and number. She gave me a kiss on the mouth and then left into the night.

In the morning people had talked about the incident and a few folks asked me about it as well as told me some of the stuff that the other guys were saying. Apparently a bunch of the westerners thought i was gay because of my affinity for pink shirts but I guess pink pays off in the end.

After all those nights of commotion we board our buses and I head for Chungbuk - not knowing exactly where I am going - But still, on my way.